on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
