Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
