i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
