You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
