Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just pee around me
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
