awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
