I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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