We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
