this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
