I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
