I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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