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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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