If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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