Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
