Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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