Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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