it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize