She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
