woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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