nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
