Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she smelled like a LAN party
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
How does it feel to date your dad?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize