Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
