Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
