i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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