My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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