..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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