You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
