Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
