I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
