Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
