As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize