he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
