I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
