I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
