I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
