I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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