You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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