How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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