With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize