I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
