Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
