You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize