the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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