I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
