When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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