margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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