She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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