I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
