16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
