do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
