i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
