Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
