i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
