She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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