I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
