Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
