how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
