Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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