Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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