Taylor Swift is so right about you.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
