Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
