I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we're making bets on your personal life
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
