omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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