What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Found your dick twin last night
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
