i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
