Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
