Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I checked into jail on foursquare
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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