I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
