Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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