census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
