i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
