I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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