i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
