Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
