How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
